Lonely Hearts

You keep asking me what I want.
Well how do I know? And how the hell am I supposed to get it when you play with my emotions like that? I'm already fucked up enough as it is. I finally decide that maybe, just maybe I could want you. I commit to wanting you in my life. For a few short minutes I give you everything I can offer. And what do you do? You toss me around like a rag doll. 
I pictured a new year with you. One where there was no outside stress, one where I would always have you to depend on. Where we would have something real, something I've never had before. And now what. You've reduced me to overusing repetition for effect. Fuck you.
And I'm well aware that I've said that many times before. I know that I've gone back on that little statement of mine. Whether it's angry, sad, or even passionate, I've said it before. But I've never meant it like I do now.
I'm vulnerable. Can't you see that? To think I even considered ending my break for you. Ha, how foolish I've been, flirting, laughing, reminiscing, feeling all the nostalgia come back. But memories are just memories; they're meant to be remembered, not relived.
So that's all I can allow you to be. A memory. 
I hope you read this & realize what you could have meant to me. What you do mean to me. How much I want you to just hold me & tell me that everything will be alright, that you'll never leave my side. I just can't trust your lies anymore.