Choices, Decisions & Judgments;

So I apologize for lying on the previous post. I said I would blog the next day, and it's taken about 3 to get my thoughts straight.
First of all, I've been living behind a curtain. Everything is sheltered in my life, and I'm completely fine with that. But as soon as one little thing I'm not familiar with crosses my path, I freak out. Like shaky-can't-sit-still-nervous-breakdown freak out. It's bad. And while Thursday was supposed to be the day to change my perspective on everything, it wasn't. It definitely brought along some encounters with some illegal substances that I wasn't prepared for. So, I freaked out. I didn't do anything I would regret because I'm wholeheartedly against that. But it gave me a new revelation about my life and my opinion about boys who do that stuff. Specifically boys I like.
I don't really think I care about them doing it. If they're not assholes when they're high then it doesn't matter to me, as long as I'm not around them when they're on it. But as soon as I crossed that line into uncharted territory on Thursday, I couldn't get my head straight. When he told me he did it, it wasn't a big deal. But actually knowing what happens behind the scenes is waay too much for me to bear. I didn't need to go with you to get it, or hear you talking about it with your friends like you were some sort of expert on the matter. I'd so much rather stay blissfully ignorant than going through all the sketchy expeditions to get what you really wanted.
You asked me if my opinion of you has changed since I found out, and I told you I hadn't decided yet. In fact, I have decided. You smoking isn't the problem. The problem is that you exposed me to something I never wanted to come into contact with. Ever. So now when I think about the traumatic events, you come to mind. I never wanted to associate you with anything bad, but you brought this upon yourself. Or maybe I did for ignoring so much of your life to make myself happy. I'm probably the one at fault here. I always am. Maybe one day I'll choose more wisely.